What’s Underneath Your Resistance to Setting a Goal?

In this week’s podcast episode, we’re digging into why some people (many people) have resistance to setting a goal. We’ll talk through why that might be happening, and I’ll give you some tips and action steps to move forwards towards your goal (resistance-free). This is episode 49.

Listen to the Podcast Here

I wanna talk about goals today, and I want to talk specifically about how some people have a resistance to setting a goal.

So if you’re sitting there, reading this, asking “Why is it so hard for me to set goals?” – know that you’re not alone.

I want to talk about some reasons why you have resistance for setting goals.

I want to talk about how to move through that and how to use goals in a way that is actually supportive for you and doesn’t get you into like a spiral of negative thoughts and doesn’t bring up really bad situations in the past when you’ve really been working hard towards a goal and it just landed you in burnout.

Because that’s not what we want.

In fact, that’s the opposite of what I want for my people.

And if you’re reading this, you’re my people.

I want to empower you. I want to encourage you, and I want to show you that it’s possible.

It’s possible that you are thinking setting a goal or goals in general with a very limited view.

And I want to expand that for you today.

So I want you to think about goal setting or if I was sitting in front of you and I said, “I want you to set a goal“.

When I say something like that, what comes up for you? Maybe…

  • Your immediate response like a clenching in your body…
  • Maybe your muscles and whole body feels really contracted…
  • Maybe you feel excited…

Bring that image to your mind, bring that feeling into your body. Because it’s important.

It’s really important to start recognizing these first thoughts and first feelings and first things that come to mind when certain things are brought to your attention.

First Thoughts About resistance to setting a Goal

I’m going to give you some scenarios to get your brain really thinking about how you might be interacting with this idea of goals.

Burned out on goals

So some people go through a period where they’re all about productivity and time management, and they set all these goals.

They might have a goal for every area of their life. So like 7-10 goals they’re working on all at once.

Maybe you’ve done that. Maybe you’ve had a planner. that has your water intake goal for the day, food goals, etc.

What can happen is you can kind of get burned out on goals.

It can even push you to burnout because you’re constantly pushing and pushing and pushing in ways that aren’t necessarily supportive for you. So that that might be you.

And if that’s you, cool, like tuck that away in your brain for a minute.

You Don’t Believe it’s going to happen

Some people have resisted goals because of an experience in their past where maybe they were working towards something and it just never happened.

And so now you associate goals with being disappointed.

And so when I say, all right, we’re gonna set a goal, the first thing that comes to your mind is, “Well, I don’t, I don’t wanna feel like that again”.

So maybe you decide “I’m just not gonna set a goal at all.”

If that’s you, tuck it into your mind, set it aside for now.

I’m “not a Goals Person”

It could be that you’ve decided at some point that you’re just, you know, “I’m not that kind of person”.

I’m not the type of person who sets goals, I just let things happen.

Maybe you’re kind of like a go with the flow kind of a person.

Understanding Your Experience with Goals

So maybe all three of these resonate with you. Maybe one, maybe none.

The point is we all have experiences with goals and often we’ve had a time in our life where goals weren’t supportive for us.

And so maybe we have these preconceived notions of what it means to set a goal.

And I want to talk about that. I wanna talk about that resistance that we have, that first initial resistance.

I wanna talk about that because I also want to challenge the status quo about goals that’s out there.

SMART Goals

We’ve heard about like SMART goals, right?

That method is taught a lot.

If you just Google “setting a goal”, I’m sure you’ll find multiple articles that talk about how you need to set a SMART goal.

And I want to challenge that idea because I think some goals are helpful if they are, you know, SMART goals, the specific and measurable, etc.

I don’t think the SMART goals are helpful when it’s one of those big, like “someday” goals. Because what happens is it feels so big and then we feel like, “Oh, I have to put a timeline on it. I have to, it has to be measurable.

Maybe I wanna make a million dollars in the next five years. And that feels so big that you just don’t even know where to start and it almost sets you back. Maybe you were excited thinking about it, but the need to be super specific actually sets you back so you’re not doing anything about it.

And that’s not what we want. That’s not a supportive goal.

A Better Way to set goals – Start With A Baby Goal

So what I help my people with inside Beyond Burnout, one of my programs is I help them identify and create a baby goal.

And we use a “baby SMART” method.

So what that means is that you have your big goals, right?

Everybody comes in with like a big goal. And it’s often kind of a lofty goal. If you are currently on one side of a river, and your lofty (big) goal is to get to the other side of the river, that’s a big task.

And so what we do inside the first week of Beyond Burnout is really ask the question – what’s the first step? What’s that first boulder that you can hop onto to get you one step that’s like the baby goal?

And for that kind of a goal, I think the SMART goals are so helpful because it’s something you can achieve in typically four or five weeks.

So yeah, you can put a timeline on it and even if you don’t get all the way there by the time you’ve chosen, you’re gonna see significant progress in just a few weeks.

“Someday” Goals

I want to encourage to be sure you have those big “someday” goals. Like…

  • I want to have a vacation house
  • I want to have a retreat center

Whatever those are for you, that’s great.

However, I think just be aware that some of the teachings out there about goals may be hindering you rather than helping you.

And my goal is always to empower you, and help you reach your goal in a way that’s free from burnout, exhaustion, or ignoring your body’s need for rest.

To Hustle, or Not to Hustle

I also want to talk for a minute about the idea of the hustle culture.

When I first started in my online business journey (back in 2018), the messaging was you just have to hustle, you have to push, you have to work every chance you get, you have to be focused and always working,

It was this “go, go, go” energy.

For me, that was not supportive. It worked for a little while, which is why people keep talking about it.

But eventually I just crashed and burned. I burned out on my business, burned my business to the ground and re-started a new business (this one you see here) in a way that was totally anti-hustle.

So let’s stop talking about “hustle-culture” and start referring to it as “know-your-limits-culture”

Human Design & setting Goals

I think Human Design is super helpful to bring into this conversation now because Human Design gives you a roadmap for how your energy is designed to flow within you and from you.

Human Design can help you understand:

  • How much energy you really have to work with, and what type of energy.
  • How to tune in and make decisions about what the next best step is.
  • How do decide if you want to be doing a task or not.

Too often, we’ve over-ridden that inner voice (our intuition) that is saying, “umm, listen to me please.” And if you haven’t spent that time to get rid of all the noise in your head about what you should/shouldn’t do…Human Design can be an objective look at your energy and centers.

Maybe you learn a certain type of work situation would be supportive, or a certain number of days/week working on a project, or how to know when it’s time to stop working for the day.

To learn more about YOUR Human Design and how to use it to your advantage as you set your goals, book a Human Design Session here.

Stress & setting Goals

I think often, with goals, we often associate, being someone who sets a goal, that means I need to behave a certain way.

We believe Being driven = being stressed.

So if you want to be focused and driven towards health, you may believe you have to be obsessive or stressed about your food.

Or if you want to be driven and start, grow, or scale your business, that means you have to be stressed and constantly working.

And I just want to add this to the conversation:

You get to feel how you want to feel. Period.

You can be laid back and still be successful. You can be care-free and be health conscious. If you have that stress // goals connection in your brain, let’s work on detaching those ideas.

It’s there because we feel like there’s maybe only one way to do it.

And so maybe you’re a mom and an entrepreneur and the only thing you’ve ever seen is people who are really stressed running businesses and having a family. And so maybe you just don’t even know what’s possible.

So maybe the reason you’re resisting setting a goal is because deep down you have these desires of a certain income level (5k months or 100k years or more), and you believe the only way to get there is to ruin your life and become extremely stressed.

I would challenge you to bring to awareness what these things are for you (we all have different ones, depending on our upbringing).

I a hundred percent believe that if you have a desire inside of you, it’s there for you.

It’s there for your benefit. And not only for your benefit, but it’s there for the benefit of the people around you, your family, your community, the world needs you to step into that vision and that desire and that goal and say, yeah, I do have this goal and I’m open to whatever way that I get to move towards it.

Can you be open to the different possibilities for how to get there?

I want you to know that there are so many ways that you can make it to whatever goal you have.

  • There are people who create a $100K business or $1M business just selling digital products.
  • There are people who make it to $100K or $1M business only with one-on-one coaching.
  • There are people who make it to $100K or $1M with only group coaching.

The value of a coach in your corner if you have resistance to setting a goal

I think that it’s so helpful to have a coach in your corner, who’s listening to you as you’re processing and thinking through your goals.

First of all, a coach that can provide and knows the value of a safe space where you admit that you have big goals – even if it feels scary.

There is so much value in having someone who can reflect what you’re saying back to you and spot those assumptions you’re making (often they’re living in the subconscious level, so you may not fully be aware of them).

I’ve had incredibly powerful conversations like that with my coach (and my clients), that can often change the entire trajectory of your business.

Often we need to be continually reminded, because our brains like to build boxes and create order and organization of ideas and experiences. So, we can appreciate our brain for its efficiency and thank our brain for looking our for us.

And. We can choose to do things how we want to do them.

Conclusion

In conclusion, our past experiences with goal setting is going to determine our future experience with goal setting until you decide that you want it to be different.

One of the ways I help my clients, the people in my world, is just by expanding their idea of what’s possible. And it’s just so powerful.

As the client, it’s like you’re walking around with blinders on (like a horse) and all of the sudden, I come along and take the blinders off. Mind-blowing, really. Incredibly empowering and enlightening.

You can achieve your goals in a way that feels good.

If you want to learn more about what it looks like to work with me, apply for one-on-one coaching here, and then get on the waitlist for Beyond Burnout.

While there may be a time to keep those blinders on and focus, setting the goal is not that time.

I encourage my clients to tap into the feeling of how a $100k business would FEEL. How would a $1M business feel? How would offers X, Y, or Z FEEL?

Compare that feeling to how they want it to feel, and ask “what would need to be possible for it to feel like that?

Come hang out on instagram

Did you read this (or listen)? Come over onto Instagram and let’s chat about your biggest takeaways. Share your thoughts on Instagram here!

I’d love to chat about my offers and programs and help you discover which one would be most supportive for YOU at this time, or point you to someone who can help support you, if you need another type of support. I’m on your side!